What I've Gained
by CarnelianFox
Summary: Gatomon and Patamon spend the afternoon together on the day of Wizardmon's anniversary of death. They decide it'd be best if Gatomon put her feelings down on paper, something that Gatomon doesn't think she can do without Patamon. On this day, she finally understands that she'll never have to feel alone again. One-shot
**I wrote a poem a year or two ago from Gatomon's perspective, but I finally motivated myself to do something with it! I think it's partially because I've been watching Angel Beats this week and the OST really runs deep** **(slight spoiler)** **, especially in episode 3.**

 **I do not own Digimon. The poem is darker than my usual posts, but I find it very fitting considering Gatomon was once part of a** _ **dark**_ **army.**

 **I am not a song writer by any means, so I just assigned verse numbers to the stanzas I wrote for some clarification. For anyone who is a song writer planning to go loco on me in that review box for messing up the general structure of a song, this is a FAIR WARNING! Please enjoy this and tell me what you think, my fellow PataGato fans!**

 _Gatomon's POV…_

It was that time of year again. Yes, _that_ time. Wizardmon's anniversary. I remembered how overcome with tears Kari and I had been. How could I forget? You don't just forget your best friend throwing his life away for you. What broke my heart even more was that he relinquished any possibility of heaven or rebirth just to try to help us as an apparition three years later. He sacrificed his eternity, what very well could have been an eternity of paradise, for whatever moments he could get to reach out to me and my comrades.

Every year since he died, I'd spend a good portion of his anniversary at a shrine that the DigiDestined and their corresponding Digimon helped me build on the roof of the TV station (thanks to Matt and TK's dad pulling some strings). And every year, I expected to be alone at the shrine. But I never was. Patamon would always come to comfort me. It was only within the past year that I saw his gesture as a mix of kindness and romantic intent. He was childish and goofy, but sweet and loving and ever supportive. I owed a lot to Patamon, who comforted me whenever I needed someone to lean on.

Two things were different this year: I brought a beat-up read notebook of Kari's and Patamon arrived at the shrine before I did. Patamon smiled and waved at me as I trotted over. I greeted, "Hey, Pata." Following suit, I gave him a peck on the cheek.

With a deep blush on his face, Patamon returned the greeting. "Hi, Gatomon."

"Thanks for coming today," I thanked him pleasantly. He never had to come here to be with me as I mourned or recognized or whatever it was I did on Wizardmon's anniversary. He just wanted to be here with me, for me. "I'm sure you'd rather spend your afternoon sleeping in TK's hat."

"Not at all," Patamon told me as he shook his head. His eyes fell on the notebook in my paws. "So…you're serious about it?"

"It seems like a great way to say 'thank you' to you…and Wiz…and Kari… Basically to everyone who has ever supported me. And I think you're the one who can lend me more support with this than anyone I know," I said to him and opened a fresh page in the notebook. "My life is my own, but I have a lot to show for it. I need to acknowledge that."

"You're really strong, Gatomon. I don't just mean you're a powerful Digimon. I mean that you're strong enough to carry a burden like yours and keep going. Anyone else would probably buckle under the weight," Patamon complimented me. I suddenly found myself grabbing him and pulling his lips to mine. Sparks flew across my data. Tingling sensations surged in my spine. Butterflies spread their wings in my stomach. My feline soul was on fire. It was all because of Patamon.

When I pulled away from him, I asked, "How do you always know just what to say?"

"Because I love you?" Patamon guessed hesitantly and I kissed him again. He kissed back this time. There we were; a pair of Holy Beasts destined by heaven to be in each other's arms. Our red thread of fate was in our very existence. Love was a magic more powerful than Wizardmon's. When Patamon and I had each other, nothing else seemed to matter.

"We should probably get to writing," I suggested as I pulled away again.

"One more kiss?" Patamon begged, using cuteness against me. Those sky blue eyes were too adorable to deny! I conceded, leaning into his sweet lips one more time.

As the afternoon went on, he had asked me to tell some stories about Wizardmon and even Myotismon. The Myotismon stories were difficult to talk about, but with Patamon, the words flowed like a mighty river, wavering for no one. As I talked, I would cut myself off to talk to Pata about things to put down in the notebook. Even though my story was unique to me, the bits and bones of it were universal to anyone who has ever felt trapped or abused or used like a tool.

"I feel like everyone goes through their own living hell at least once," Patamon concluded as I finished a story. "You're never going to be alone again."

"What's your rough past?" I asked. I didn't want to pry, but I wanted to see if Patamon could prove his own point.

"Any time when TK and I are backed into a corner and he starts to doubt himself is my hell. My whole life has been about him, and when the child of hope has doubts, it affects our resonance. It gives me doubts in our darkest hours, and that can't happen if we're going to make it through them," Patamon told me. "Seeing him get angry and scared terrifies me and confuses me. I start to lose sense of myself."

"He just doesn't want to lose you. I don't, either," I said in TK's defense.

"But would you lose yourselves to save me? Would you lose our friends? Our worlds?" Patamon asked. I said nothing. What could I have said? At first, I thought he was making mountains out of mole hills, but a lot of what Patamon was saying made sense. I could recall a few times where TK lost his cool at the thought of losing Patamon a second time, and it affected the entirety of the DigiDestined's chemistry.

"And you were worried about the odds stacking against us in the absence of hope," I concluded. Patamon took a turn to remain in a stunned silence. It wasn't exactly an isolated incident, but Patamon had known his purpose from the start. He had bonded with TK more than I had bonded with Kari. If something threatened that bond, Patamon's reason for being was at risk. His sense of self. Losing that would be hell for anyone. "You know you have me, right?"

"Yeah," Patamon sighed. "I'm sorry."

"Me, too. I didn't mean to pry."

"My own problems aren't so bad; they're just in my head. You've _lived_ through hard times, Gatomon!"

"You've fought some tough battles yourself. Just because something is in your head doesn't make it unreal."

We stared at each other in silence, then turned our attention back to the notebook and scribbled furiously in it. We'd spent a good forty-five minutes writing in silence; our eyes and body language did all of the talking. After that, I fell backward in satisfaction. My message was a little shorter than I thought, but I was perfectly okay with how it came out.

I wasn't really thinking about it, but I saw Patamon take out a flare gun and shoot a flare off into the sky. The next thing I knew, our DigiDestined friends had stormed up to the roof where we were. How did they get clearance? I just climbed up the side of the building, so don't even think of using that as a rhetorical question for a counter argument.

I sat straight up and Matt handed me a small guitar. The guitar, though it was small, was still just a smidgeon too big for me, but I could live with it. I asked Patamon, "What is this?"

"Well, I thought you'd want to put what we wrote to music, so I got you an audience and I didn't even have to use blackmail!" Patamon explained as my eyes started bulging out of my head. When did he arrange that?! Aw, whatever.

"Um…alright," I sighed.

"That's the spirit!" Tai triumphantly called out.

"You know you have a great voice, Gatomon," Kari said reassuringly.

"Go, Gato!" Biyomon and Hawkmon chirped in together. They stood wing-in-wing. It's about time you put that gizzard to good use, Hawkmon.

"I…didn't come up with any music to put this to. I'll just wing it," I informed my impromptu audience as I stripped my gloves off. There was no reason for me to hold back. I just started strumming whatever felt right. I opened my mouth and let the melodies tell the story.

 _(Verse 1)_

 _My darkest night felt eternal_

 _My life was feeling so infernal_

 _Always acting with absurd compliance_

 _Was an act of self-defiance_

 _But I gave up control anyway_

 _Losing sense of night and day_

 _(Chorus)_

 _The heart-wrenching, screaming pain_

 _Is inferior to what I've gained_

 _The dark, cold walls_

 _Kenneled up my soul_

 _Being able to find myself_

 _Has freed me from remorseful hell_

 _(Verse 2)_

 _I couldn't sever the chains_

 _I couldn't numb the pain_

 _I was a pet, a slave, someone's lackey_

 _Abused, reduced, letting him control me_

 _I stayed alive but lost my way_

 _When I decided to keep my heart at bay_

 _(Chorus)_

 _The heart-wrenching, screaming pain_

 _Is inferior to what I've gained_

 _The dark, cold walls_

 _Kenneled up my soul_

 _Being able to find myself_

 _Has freed me from remorseful hell_

 _(Verse 3)_

 _Now I know there's better out there_

 _So I can stop pulling out my hair_

 _Where there is darkness, there is light_

 _And now it's finally in my sight!_

 _(Chorus)_

 _The heart-wrenching, screaming pain_

 _Is inferior to what I've gained_

 _The dark, cold walls_

 _Kenneled up my soul_

 _Being able to find myself_

 _Has freed me from remorseful hell_

 _(Bridge)_

 _All I needed was a chance_

 _To find friendship and romance_

 _To pour out my heart_

 _To find myself a fresh start_

 _To regain my own special path_

 _To shed my tears and my wrath_

 _To turn away from the decimation_

 _To find you, my salvation_

 _(Final Chorus)_

 _The heart-wrenching, stinging pain_

 _Is inferior to all I've gained_

 _The dark, cold walls_

 _Will no longer cage my soul_

 _Being able to find myself_

 _Has freed me from my living hell_

I finished the song, my eyes locked with Patamon's of all the faces in the small crowd. I couldn't help but smile. The grin just appeared on its own. There was an eruption of applause on the roof. I wondered if Wizardmon was smiling at me. That strange, kindly wizard that led me to my destiny and my true love…I hoped his spirit was well.

"That was great!" Veemon hooted.

"That ran deep, Gatomon!" Agumon called out.

"That's because it came from the heart," Gabumon explained to Agumon.

Patamon stepped forward and handed me a rose. I took it graciously and pulled him into a hug. Tears streaked my face as I whispered, "Thank you, Pata."

"Anything for you, Gato," Patamon whispered back as I cried softly into his shoulder.

"I'm free… It's because of you all… Thank you…!" I laughed through my tears and thanked my comrades. They all crowded around Patamon and me and hugged us. Patamon leaned forward and kissed me. I felt like I'd taken flight.

"I love you," Patamon spoke softly into the kiss.

"I love you, too," I sniffled back and returned the kiss.


End file.
